Be the change you want to see in young men

Over the weekend I went to watch Project Hail Mary in the cinema. I love the experience of sitting in a huge theatre and being immersed in the loud, all-consuming visual and audio embrace of a fantastic film on a big screen.

This article isn’t about Project Hail Mary. You can watch it and decide for yourself — I loved it and the book is one of my favourites in recent memory.

This article is about the young men in the cinema who didn’t stop talking throughout the film. First there was a group of three men in their early 20s who continued conversations repeatedly for longer than a few minutes each time. Eventually I leaned over and asked them to stop talking. They reluctantly did.

But shortly after two young teenagers, maybe 15 years old, began talking and didn’t stop for the final 45 minutes of the film. I decided to focus on the film and try to re-immerse myself. It mostly worked and I tried not to let them ruin the experience for me. The movie ended and we left and I didn’t really think much of it.

Then I watched Manosphere, the new Louis Theroux documentary on Netflix.

The documentary is shocking but not surprising. It’s sad but inevitable. It’s confusing and scary.

If you haven’t watched it I highly recommend it. If you have sons, I highly recommend it. If you have daughters, I highly recommend it. If you are a thinking person engaging in the world right now, I highly recommend you familiarise yourself with the message of misogyny seeping into the minds of young men.

The sad and desperate part is that many young men don’t have decent, modern male role models to look up to, consider or follow. Their algorithms are only showing them 23 year old racist, bigoted, sexist bros with no life experience who are literally too stupid to know they’re scientifically wrong, morally bankrupt, corrupt and often intellectually stunted.

After the documentary ended, my partner and I were discussing the events of the night before at the movies. I started to wonder if these teenage boys were manosphere minions and their approach to the other people in the cinema — one of disregard and contempt — was indicative of the male role models they were following on social media. I considered my actions and how they would be interpreted by mano-bros or these teenagers.

Going forward, I am going to be the change I want to see in young men. Instead of leaning forward and whisper-yelling at these kids I should’ve stood up, walked over and calmly explained to them that real men are considerate of public spaces. Real men help other people. Real men care for other people. Real men are vulnerable and honest. Real men are authentic. Real men, fellas, don’t treat other people like less than themselves. You don’t need to be aggressive to be a real man, hell, I don’t even think you need to be firm when you approach kids like this. You just need to show them the kind of world you want to live in.

I want to live in a world where men (and women) are (but not only) kind and considerate, firm but fair, honest and authentic, loving and self-aware. I want to live in a world where ambition doesn’t mean stomping on someone to succeed and lifting yourself up doesn’t mean kicking someone when they’re down.

I call on every adult — man, woman or however you identify — to call out mano-bro-bullshit when you see it. Don’t let these kids decide what our society looks like or sounds like. They’re idiots like I was when I was 19, except they are being overrun by algorithms that feed them hate and prey on loneliness. Show them an alternative way but don’t fight with their logic because there is none.