Nobody Gives a Shit About You

Here’s the cold, hard truth:

Nobody gives a shit about you.

You don’t care about me. Not really. Not deeply. Probably not at all if you had to think about it for a nanosecond.

And I don’t care about you. Not really. I'm not sitting here thinking about what you are about to do, say, think, believe or launch.

One of the most liberating realisations of my life was when I realised that nobody gives a shit about me. I am awake and free because I know people are egocentric and believe the spotlight is on themselves and not me.

Don't be scared of what other people might think.
Don't be scared to launch that business.
Don't be scared to speak your mind.
Don't be scared to talk about your big idea.

Nobody is waiting for your to fail or succeed.

How does this make you feel?

How Do You Overcome Fear of Failure?

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Lots of people are afraid of failing.

It’s just about the number 1 reason people don’t start that thing they’ve always wanted to start. It’s the reason you don’t tell that guy you’ve loved since high school that you love him. It’s the reason you don’t pitch a great idea to your boss, the reason you don’ speak up when you have something to contribute and the reason you seek comfort instead of discomfort.

Humans are scared of failing.

I don’t particularly understand this experience of life. Living with a fear of failure is akin to living with a fear of breathing for me. Failure is not something that I see as a negative and this is a key framing that helps me move on when something doesn’t work.

I recently launched a podcast called The Curious Cult Show. In it, I interview incredible and accomplished people about their curiosity. One of the questions that I ask every guest is how they cope with failure as an integral part of curiosity and innovative invention. Almost everyone so far (The Founders of EA Sports, Moz, Starbucks, Prometheus Fuel and more) have stated that they don’t really see mistakes as failures. They see mistakes or “Failings” as learning experiences. I love this perspective and it shines through when you speak to people who push the boundaries of normalcy.

The most accomplished, brave and incredible people I know don’t see failure in the same way as most people. Failing is merely the next step in learning.

Here are some of the ways that I deal with what would traditionally be thought of as failure:

Do not peg your Self worth to your work

I am not my work. If my work implodes, my company goes under, I suffer a professional setback or something goes awry it is not an indictment on my personal worth. It’s just the next step in the process of my work.

When your self worth is pegged to the work that you do, you are destined to feel like a failure. You will strive for success and only success and you will do anything to avoid making mistakes so that you don’t appear to have failed.

You do not want to bruise your own self worth. Now we’re talking about ego…

Your ego is the problem

When you do make a catastrophic mistake it will reflect upon your ability to the outside world. People will second guess your choices and they’ll make you feel like crap if you let them. That’s on them, not on you.

You let these things damage your ego because (see point 1 above) you define your self worth by your work. If you do his, your ego will be damaged when your work suffers a setback.

It’s imperative that you understand that making mistakes is part of the process. A life lived without failure is a life lived in caution, without risk and without giant leaps of progress.

Reframe failure

Failure is no an end-point. Failure is a through-point. Mistakes are simply the next step in the direction towards success.

We think of failure as the opposite of success, it’s not. The opposite of success is not trying.

Think Long Term

When you think short term, everything can seem like a failure. If you set your goals in longer batches of time the day to day mistakes and lessons seem more relevant as learnings.

If you think today matters more than any other day you’re placing too much importance on a single move. Success is the culmination of a collection of moves, corrections, lessons and mistakes. It’s not one big move, it’s not one big exit, it’s not one of anything. It’s lots of little things that accumulate over many years of consistent hard work.

Set your sites on where you want to be in 5, 10, 20 years and then start making moves in that direction.

No one cares about your failure or success

Here’s my favourite one of all: No one cares about you and your failures or successes. Everyone is preoccupied with their own versions of success and failure.

If someone points out your failures or berates your success that’s on them. That’s not a reflection of you or anything you’ve done.

Insecure people knock down other people. Ignore those people because they don’t care about you, not personally, not professionally, not in any way. They’re only commenting on you to make themselves feel better. Don’t buy into that narrative.

You can’t control other people. You can control your strategy. You can control your next move and you can control how you react when you take one step backwards.

Starting a Side Hustle - eNCA TV Feature

Last week I was fortunate to be featured on eNCA live talking about my new book: How to Start a Side Hustle.

The book takes my 20 years of experience and distills lessons I’ve learned into a brilliantly useful guide to starting your own side hustle.

If you’re looking to start generating extra income, this is the book for you.

Many of us will agree one income just doesn't cut it. Many people are looking for a side hustle, but it's not that easy. Let's get tips from Nic Hara-lambous...