I have mumps... and now I'm fat

So I have just been diagnosed with mumps. Why is it that I always seem to come down with an illness on a Saturday, and the go to the doctor on a Sunday when it costs an arm and a leg. And murphy's law it's something serious.No work, no leaving the house, no nothing until the swelling goes down. Incase you don't believe that I am swollen... have a look:Here's a picture of me before the mumps:And this is me as of 20 minutes ago: