Trying to Be the Best Is Killing You

Very few people in the world become the best of the best of the best in any field.

Lebron James

Lewis Hamilton

Jay Z, Elon Musk

Serena Williams

Taylor Swift

Jeff Bezos

Bill Gates

Warren Buffet

Ariana Huffington

Angela Merkel

Oprah Winfrey

Kamala Harris

Susan Wojcicki

Sheryl Sandberg

Jacinda Ardern

Beyoncé Knowles

Sara Blakely

The above are all astounding exceptions to the very average human experience. Tabloids, the Internet and social media give us unprecedented access to these exceptional people. This access tricks us into thinking we know them and are like them.

We feel connected to them because we can “like” their Instagram photos. We feel like we know them because we can listen to their podcasts. We think they are like us because we see them in the tabloids. We think we can become them if we work a little harder, think a little bigger or do a little bit more. That’s what we’re told by clickbait headlines and listicles we’re fed all day every day. Work a little more and inch closer to billionaire status. Pffft.

Here’s the thing… We are not these people.

I’m not Jeff Bezos (in spite of rocking the same haircut) and likely never will be. There is a not-so-small part of us that believes we deserve to be a billionaire or famous or exceptional in some way. I am sorry if I am popping a make-believe bubble you have created for yourself but it’s the truth.

You are never going to become a billionaire.

I don’t believe that this is a sad realisation at all.

Aspiring to be in the top 1% is what is slowly and consistently driving so many people crazy. We spend our lives trying to be something that we don’t understand and don’t truly want. We don’t understand what it takes to become the best in any given field and we don’t understand what it’s like to be famous or a billionaire. Why? Because we only see the curated results of the most famous and exceptional people in the world.

We don’t see the lost relationships.

We don’t see the pain and suffering required to become great.

We don’t see the anguish, sacrifice and loss that accompanies generational excellence.

We don't see that at some point money stops making you happy.

We see the version that keeps us on the hamster wheel. We see the version that locks us into the doomscrolling. We see the outcome, not the work.

Elon Musk sleeps in his boardroom. One day in 2007, Arianna Huffington was at home on the phone and checking emails when she passed out, fell, and woke up in a pool of blood, with a broken cheekbone and a cut over her eye. She worked herself into collapse.

We don’t see these moments.

We don’t see the suffering but we still want the glory.

What if we stopped wanting the glory of being the world’s best or wealthiest or happiest or biggest? What if we aimed for enough?

Did you know that the ideal income for happiness is about $75 000 per annum? There's research to back this up. A new study takes this even further: "We found that the ideal income point is $95,000 for life evaluation and $60,000 to $75,000 for emotional well-being..." explained Andrew T. Jebb, a doctoral student at Purdue University.

There is even more research involving wealthy individuals that illustrates tiny marginal increases in happiness as you increase your wealth:

Results showed those with a net worth of $3-$7.9 million US were no more satisfied with their lives than those with a net worth of $1.5-$2.9 million US. It wasn’t until net worth climbed to $8-$14.9 million US that respondents reported higher life satisfaction. Lastly, those with a net worth of $15+ million US reported being marginally more satisfied than the lower tier millionaires.

There is a very clear point at which money stops buying you happiness. We aspire to have an insane amount of money because we think that money can buy us happiness but it can’t.

So what’s the point of all this?

Enough.

Having enough is the point.

If you are an unhappy person with enough money you will be an unhappy person with a billion dollars. If you are unhappily above average you will be unhappily excellent. Achieving things does not make us happy indefinitely. Buying things definitely doesn’t make us happy.

I am trying to find enough in life.

Enough time to do the things I love to do.

Enough money to not worry about money.

Enough pain to appreciate the joy.

Enough sadness to enjoy the happiness.

Enough work to enjoy the play.

Enough.

I understand that billionaire status is not for me and becoming a world leader in my field will not make me happier.

I want to do the work that I love and I want enough. If that combination one day helps me reach the pinnacle of my field then so be it.

So, if you’re looking for me, I’ll be right here doing the work.

You Are Not OPRAH

There is so much information out there to consume about great people. Documentaries, biographies, TV series, Twitter accounts, Instagram brags, YouTube shows, news articles and on and on and on. Greatness is everywhere and everyone aspires to be the next greatest in a long line of greatness.

Let me be the first to tell you that watching a Michael Jordan documentary doesn’t make you Michael Jordan. Reading the Steve Jobs biography doesn’t make you Steve Jobs. Watching Oprah every day doesn’t make you a world-class interviewer and media mogul.

Nine years ago when I first read Walter Isaacson’s book about Steve Jobs I immediately believed that being like Jobs was the only way to be a leader. I started to act as he did. I began treating people the way that he did. But here’s the thing - I am not Steve Jobs. Not even close. All I did was piss people off by being an asshole.

I’m not Steve Jobs and it’s unlikely that I’ll ever achieve what he achieved in his life. I am not Oprah Winfrey and it’s unlikely that I’ll ever achieve what she has achieved in her life.

I’m comfortable now to admit this but it’s hard in your early 20’s to think that you aren’t going to be great. I have a Greek mother who constantly instilled in me a sense of greatness and I am eternally grateful for that. But it’s also a lot of pressure to believe that you deserve to be great.

Nobody deserves greatness.

Don’t feel the pressure. Don’t try to be somebody else. Don’t try to live their lives and take the same path they did.

Or, feel the pressure and do the work for yourself. Find your own path. Carve out your own chunk of greatness.

We live in a world of misalignment. We see the end results of greatness, the greatness itself. You see Apple launching products that shape the future and define the present. You see Oprah interviewing the most incredible people in the world and growing her media empire. You see Jordan winning championship after championship but you never see (or choose not to see) the work that goes into their success. The sacrifices they make to change the world. The depression, the elation, the turmoil, the loss, the pain and everything in between.

You are not Oprah. You are not Jordan. You are not Jobs. Nor am I.

You are whoever you are and whether you like it or not, that has to be enough. Jobs, Jordan, Oprah and their equals all put the work in for many, many decades to gain the kind of success we aspire to when we see them online or read about their fame and wealth. None of it comes easy. Nobody owes us anything. Nobody handed the greatest people their greatness.

Expectation is the thief of joy and if you spend your life believing that you should be as rich as Warren Buffet, as talented as Lupita Nyong'o, as smart as Oprah or as successful as Michael Jordan then you’re only going to live a life of disappointment. Their lives are extraordinary and the exception.

We all have the ability to live a great life but perhaps expectation is killing our joy.