The lies we tell ourselves to feel OK

It’s tough out there, people. Every entrepreneur knows it is. So to make ourselves feel better and others feel worse we tell ourselves and others lies that make us feel better. These lies help us make it through the day and push us forward but ultimately they damage our ability to build something truly amazing. It’s time we stop telling lies and let our guard down.

Lie - Working 18 hours a day is a good thing

Yes, there are times when you absolutely have to pull an all-nighter and work back to back to back 18 or 20-hour days. This should be the exception but when you are a young and hungry entrepreneur trying to stamp your mark on the world, you convince yourself that the only way to beat your competition is to outwork them.

Sadly this is just not true. What happens when after your 18-hour stint, you hear that your competitor worked 20 hours for more days than you did? What then? Do you work 21 hours a day? Don’t be ridiculous.

We have allowed ourselves to fall into the trap of comparison and we believe that we need to brag about how busy we are, how late we worked and how much we have to do.

I prefer to brag about getting a full 8 hours of sleep last night and that I had time to go to the gym this morning before work. That’s a truth I’m happy to tell.

Lie - You are competing with every entrepreneur out there

Just like in golf, entrepreneurs are very, very seldom competing against one another for survival. We are competing against the previous version of ourselves. We are iterating on the previous version of our own product and we are engaging with our own customers to retain them and give them the best service we can.

Every day you are in a race with yourself to get your personal best time on the track. All you can control is how hard you are training and the effort you are putting in. Just like in business. You can’t control your competitor's strategy. You can’t dictate how much money they raise or who they hire. You can control the things you do so make sure you do them as well as you know how to. If that’s not good enough, then you need to figure out how to level up.

Lie — Your cofounder will always protect you

A sneaky truth baked into this lie is that it is hard to start a business as a sole founder. Being alone and going through the brutal experience of running a startup is extremely difficult.

Having cofounders definitely makes the startup burden easier to bear. This is not to say that the cofounders will always be aligned. It’s actually very likely that at some point your vision will deviate from theirs and a rift will form.

I have had cofounders in the past who have abandoned the business, sold the business behind my back, mentally checked out or just simply given up. Nothing about building a business is simple and the interpersonal relationship between cofounders is often severely overlooked and neglected. If this happens there is no turning back in my experience. Someone will have to leave.

Photo by Phan Hoang Phe on Unsplash

Lie - You always have to look/feel/sound good in public

Being an entrepreneur has become a very sought after title over the past twenty years. It’s cool to run your own company. It’s cool to post to the socials about how amazingly well your business is doing. It’s cool to grow your “headcount” (man I fucking hate that word — they are people, not heads). It’s cool to have bigger offices in more countries. It’s cool to raise money and tell people about it.

What’s not cool? Struggling.

What’s not cool? The reality that building businesses is, and should be, hard.

What’s not cool? Telling people that you need a bit of help from time to time.

If you know someone or follow someone online who is always “killing it”, just know that they are probably lying. No one is killing it all day every day in every Facebook or Instagram post. It’s just not possible.

Lie - To win, someone else has to lose

Building businesses is not a zero-sum game. Google is not the only search engine out there, believe it or not. I use DuckDuckGo and they are more private, more secure and, shockingly, profitable. They did not lose because Google “won”.

There is more than one chat app. There is more than one social network. There is more than one dating app. There is more than one car company. There is more than one streaming service. There is more than one space exploration company.

Life is not a zero-sum game, don’t treat it as one. You are competing against your previous best (see above) and you are not exclusively trying to destroy anyone or anything.

Lie - Numbers are for accountants

The very hard and pragmatic truth about startups and business in general is that you have to understand the hardcore numbers. You cannot leave your cash flow, gross and net margin calculations and salary bill up to the accountants. As an entrepreneur, it’s imperative that you understand the position your business is in every day, week and month. If you let this slip it’s all over before it began.

Lie - You have to grow big, fast

This is a very popular lie at the moment. The only successful businesses seem to be the ones that are raising a bazillion dollars and are about to IPO. Well, that was true until the WeWork bubble burst. Alongside companies like Lyft, Uber, Beyond Meat and others, WeWork is in crisis mode. These mega-businesses grew quickly, raised a shitton of capital and are under serious duress.

I am more intrigued by businesses like Basecamp, Shopify and Buffer who have taken their time to figure out what they do, how they do it and who they want to do it with. These companies are all profitable and growing at their own pace.

You do not have to raise money to be successful. There is no pre-defined parameter for how long it takes to become profitable and sustainable. There is no model for this thing we do called entrepreneurship. Every business, every entrepreneur and every idea is different.

I know it’s hard to see the wood from the trees sometimes. I know that we’re fighting for our survival and livelihood. I know we’re all building a business that is going to change the world. I know. I know.

But it doesn’t have to be so lonely and you don’t have to be so isolated. You don’t have to suffer in silence and you don’t have to hide your victories.

It’s OK to be proud of your successes when they happen and it’s OK to be proud of your shortcomings and the subsequent learnings too.

I have always held the view that a rising tide lifts all ships and that you don’t have to feel like shit for me to feel good today.

Do you agree with the lies above? Would you add any to the list?

When was the last time you were honest with the people closest to you about how you are feeling and doing? Try it today.