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YEs, believe it or not (but you should) I have spread mumps to the third person in my circle. Three flipping people! Thank goodness only one of them was a guy but unfortunately he’s my best mate so he’s pretty pissed off with me. Not good.

The worst part about mumps spreading is that when you have recovered approximately 14 days after contracting the virus, only then do others start to emerge with the symptoms. It’s not fun let me tell you. Receiving a call to tell you that you have given a mate mumps, a work colleague mumps or your cousin mumps, they all suck.

To anyone else who I might have infected: I AM SORRY!!!!! Please don’t make me feel more guilty than I already do.

Lastly: If you have seen me in the last month and don’t have symptoms yet, you’re probably safe.

It’s been a whopping seven days since I first realised I had mumps. I feel like shit and am still swollen. You think I’m not telling the truth? Have a look for yourself on the left. Not much fun let me tell you.

I must admit I’ve been a bit slack with the photos so I only have four photos out of what should have been seven. Sorry bout that!

I’m now going to be completely open and say that I have started to feel some testicular pain. Apparently it’s meant to start in your right testicle. That’s where it’s started today.

I called the Doctor and guess what he said? Nothing. Two doctors have now apologised to me for being unable to treat me or any of my symptoms. What is that? For fuck sakes it’s the fucking 21st century, we can fly to goddam Mars but can’t find a cure or preventative treatment for mumps sufferers.

I’m sick to death of being so sick. It’s really enough now, enough TV, enough Mac, enough blogging, enough Xbox360, it’s just enough.

I am going to be at home, housebound with no other options until at least Monday. I bought myself a new Xbox360 game, I can’t really eat, I can’t smoke, I can’t really sit up or lie down, I can’t go out and get a DVD, I can’t blog excessively cause firstly that’s boring and secondly that involves sitting up for an extended period of time.

My question is then what can a person with mumps do for 10 days?

I am getting much, much bigger as the days go by.

Today’s update post features a pic of me today and a caricature I had done last year in October in France. That artist had it spot on if he was looking in to the future!

When I went to the doctor yesterday he very swiftly mentioned that I will only feel worse as the days go by and then I’ll get better.

Boy was he right. Couldn’t sleep last night, went to bed at 2 am. Woke up consecutively at 05:30, 06:00, 06:30 and the woke up properly at 7am. That’s no fun. When you are sick you are meant to be able to sleep late and long hours. Not so much.

How does one actually sleep when it’s both sides of your jaw that are sore and in contact with the pillow? I’ll tell you; you don’t.

The best part of all of this is that I really just want to get to work so I can get the next edition of FM Campus out. But I can’t cause I’ll infect the whole office. That’s bad. So I am working from home.

Oh, and I realised at some point yesterday that if I am not careful mumps could make me sterile. NICE.