Comparison DESTRUCTION
Sometimes I suffer from envy.
I'm not proud of this part of my personality but it's unavoidable. I am human, after all.
The envy quickly turns to severe comparison destruction (destruction of one’s own life due to excessive comparison to another’s).
I look around at people in similar situations to me and wonder how they manage to do what they do so successfully while I toil away at my business and life. These are depressive points in my weeks and months. I know these moments are fleeting but I often can't help but feel like I'm down the rabbit hole so I should settle in and get comfy.
Eventually, I take a hard look at what I think I see vs what I can really see.
How well is this person really doing?
Why do they show off their “wealth” on social media?
How happy does their partner really make them?
What hole are they trying to fill?
After a few minutes or days or sometimes weeks of comparison destruction, I manage to pull my head out of the social media ass that it’s trapped within and realise that everyone only ever presents the best version of themselves to the world. No one is honest about everything all the time. Nor am I.
In one of my depressive comparison destruction episodes, a friend said to me that if you are envious of someone’s life and believe it’s better than yours, remember that you have to take it all if you were to swap. You can’t only have the good parts.
This statement hit me in the back of the head like a revolving door when you stop abruptly. Everyone has bad parts to their lives no matter their success, no matter their social media updates, follower count or how many likes they have. Everyone dislikes parts of their lives. Said another way; everyone is human.
This is a recurring revelation that I need to re-experience to bring myself out of the occasional contempt that I have towards my friends, colleagues or competitors.
Once I'm out of this disdainful daze I take a look at the things that really bother me and quickly figure out (again and again) that I am frustrated with myself. I am frustrated with something very specific in my own business or life or choices and decision. My frustration never has anything to do with someone else’s business or success or life or happiness. It’s always all about my own.
The goodest girl
It’s like my frustration with my fantastically life-affirming dog, Mango. She is the mango of my eye, truly. But holy shit do I get frustrated when we go for walks sometimes. She is a big dog and she likes to pull on the lead. So recently I’ve started re-training her to walk on a loose lead and to heel. On the walks, I can become frustrated with her. We battle it out and when we return home I quickly realise that I am frustrated with myself because I cannot communicate effectively or I am struggling to get the commands out and I am not leading her well. It’s not her fault. It’s never her fault. She’s just being the best dog she can be.
Every person on social media (and broadly in life) is just trying to be the best dog they can be and my frustration with their success has to do with me, not them.
I am sure there are people who envy my life and my choices and I like to think about these people occasionally. Thinking about them helps me realise that the grass is always greener on the other side until it becomes your grass and you peek around the corner and see that their dog has taken a steaming crap on what is now your grass.
Comparison isn’t always bad. Sometimes it drives you forward, sometimes it helps you to look back while other times it provides much needed perspective which allows you to appreciate what you’ve got and work a little harder to be content.
